


it's only sex

by soundboardkittens



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: 1980s, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexual Billy Hargrove, Bisexual Steve Harrington, Fluff, Gay Billy Hargrove, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Oral Sex, Post-Season/Series 03, ace!billy, this is not a smut fic but they have sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:28:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27887539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soundboardkittens/pseuds/soundboardkittens
Summary: When Billy and Steve started dating, he was waiting for the day they would have sex. He knew the sex he had with women would always be awful because he was not attracted to them at all, but to keep people from raising any suspicions he bit the bullet and did it anyway. Thankfully, he got away with a lot of hand and tongue work, would tell whatever girl he was with that it was “all about you tonight, baby.” because it was easier than having to get his dick up and then fake an orgasm. He could count the number of girls he had came with on one hand and all those times it had taken forever, Billy felt like it was a chore but the girls would commend him for his stamina.So, when he started dating Steve after months of flirting with him at Family Video, he figured the sex would have to be better than whatever he was doing before. All the kissing and hugging, the cuddling whenever they could, it was all amazing. Billy figured the sex would have to be good too.
Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington
Comments: 6
Kudos: 67





	it's only sex

**Author's Note:**

> hello! this is an ace!billy based off my own experiences and feelings, i am only one person with my own individual experience so obviously i do not represent the whole ace community but i hope maybe some people could relate! 
> 
> there are descriptions of sex but i wouldn't categorize the writing as smut, just explicit descriptions of sex. 
> 
> trigger warning for what might be considered non-consensual sex due to miscommunication (and y'know internalized messages abt sex) but no one is coerced or forced to do anything. please do take care of yourself though :)
> 
> \--  
> title from it's only sex by car seat headrest
> 
> very brief drug mention at the end

When Billy and Steve started dating, he was waiting for the day they would have sex. He knew the sex he had with women would always be awful because he was not attracted to them at all, but to keep people from raising any suspicions he bit the bullet and did it anyway. Thankfully, he got away with a lot of hand and tongue work, would tell whatever girl he was with that it was “all about you tonight, baby.” because it was easier than having to get his dick up and then fake an orgasm. He could count the number of girls he had came with on one hand and all those times it had taken forever, Billy felt like it was a chore but the girls would commend him for his stamina. 

So, when he started dating Steve after months of flirting with him at Family Video, he figured the sex would have to be better than whatever he was doing before. All the kissing and hugging, the cuddling whenever they could, it was all amazing. Billy figured the sex would have to be good too. 

It happened at Steve’s, they were laying in bed, making out like normal. They’ve been taking things pretty slow, Billy didn’t feel one hundred percent like himself after the Mind Flayer and his self-esteem had taken a hit from all the lost muscle mass and newly added scarring on his body. However, Steve was nothing less than complimentary and continuously made sure Billy was comfortable with whatever they were doing. They were making out like normal and Steve started kissing down his neck, then he popped back up to check in, “This okay?” 

Billy nodded and Steve continued sucking onto his neck. Usually how it went is Steve and Billy would be making out, Steve would attempt to move things along, Billy would ask him to stop because it just didn’t feel right yet. The room was too cold, there was a noise outside he couldn’t stop focusing on, or he didn’t feel like he was truly in the right mindset, or sometimes he would ask Steve to stop because it’s been a while since they’ve seen each other and he would rather cuddle and hold his boyfriend tight and listen to him ramble on about whatever. But this time he gave in because it started to feel like there would never be a _perfect_ time. 

So, the neck kissing escalated into a blowjob, and that turned into slicked up fingers inside of him while Steve sucked him off, and Billy could not deny that it felt really good. Steve was making him feel so good, and he was patient because it was still taking forever for Billy to come and that only made Billy more nervous, and that of course also made it harder to come. Then it happened eventually after lots of coaxing from Steve, consistent whispers telling him to relax, that he was so hot, so perfect. After he came Steve asked if it was okay to fuck him and that sounded pretty hot so he agreed. 

Steve was extremely careful and slow going in, it felt good, but not necessarily in a sexual sense. Billy liked the feeling of Steve inside him because of how close he was, it felt good that after so much time together they were now one in this moment. Steve looked so nice on top of him, eyes closed and lips parted, and it felt good to wrap his legs around him and pull him even more close. Steve continued with the sweet affirmations, “Oh Billy, you’re so perfect, you feel so good.”, in between moans. He picked up the pace, and the pressure of Steve repeatedly hitting his prostate was nice, but he didn’t think he could orgasm for a second time, but he continued to enjoy the closeness, how Steve had wrapped his arms around and underneath him for better leverage. Finally, Steve gave out one last loud moan and Billy felt as Steve pulsed inside of him, writhing on top of him and then he settled down on top of Billy, still inside, and rested his forehead in the crook of Billy’s neck, planting little kisses on his collarbone. 

When they both started to feel Steve get soft and slip out Steve gave him a kiss on his forehead and then got up to grab a towel to clean them up. “Was it good?” Steve asked.  
“Yeah of course. Really good.” Billy assured him. It was definitely better than any of his times with women, but there was something deep down that still felt off. It didn’t feel like how everyone described, there were no fireworks, it just felt like any other orgasm he had ever had but this time Steve had done it for him. He didn’t have time to dwell on the feeling because Steve suggested they take a shower so Billy could clean up, and Billy never had a problem with standing with Steve, hugging under a warm stream of water, so off they went.  
\---  
After the first time they had sex things still felt off. He started to notice every time they had sex Steve was the one to get things going. It just never occurred to Billy that they could have sex. That for most people, making out was only the first step of a whole process. Once things did get hot and heavy Billy was usually receptive, Steve always checking in to make sure. It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy sex, it made him feel good and he loved the intimacy and warmth associated with the act. Most of the time he just preferred cuddling for that kind of intimacy.

He was starting to wonder if he wasn’t actually gay, but that line of thinking didn’t really make sense because he felt like he was in love with Steve and he thought he was the prettiest thing in the world. Things were only made more complicated when he discovered that he really enjoyed giving Steve blowjobs, it was the one time he wasn’t worried about his own reactions or taking too long time come. He could just focus on making Steve feel good and that made Billy feel good. So for Billy, sex was nice, giving blowjobs was fun, but something just felt off, like he couldn’t get what everyone was talking about when they said that sex was the most important thing in the world, to him it seemed pretty similar to just jerking off alone. 

As time went on things did not get any easier. It started to feel like Steve wanted to have sex all the time and there were many times Billy just wanted to do anything else. While usually sex was nice, it was hard for Billy to always be in the right mindset that he would enjoy it. Sometimes he just went with it because he couldn’t bring himself to tell Steve he didn’t want to have sex with him. Those times sex had begun to feel like a chore, just like before, because he knew deep down didn’t actually want it. It was still nice because he was spending time with his boyfriend, but in the back of his mind he would be counting down the minutes until it was over and they could go back to just cuddling. It made him feel bad, there were all these women that would probably kill to be in Billy’s shoes and he couldn’t think of any men that would ever say no to sex. There had to be something wrong with him.

Eventually he began to lie whenever he really didn’t want to have sex, tell Steve he had a headache, that he was too tired, any excuse he could think of. This only happened a few times before Steve started to catch on. They were laying on Steve’s bed and this time he had been reaching down into Billy’s pants, so he told him his back was starting to ache so he wasn’t really in the mood. 

“Do you think you should call Dr. Owens? It sounds like you aren’t feeling too hot lately.” He asked.

Billy couldn’t talk himself out of this one because he knew Steve would make him get checked if he kept complaining about these made up ailments. Billy slowly took in a breath and let it out. He would have to tell Steve the truth. 

“I don’t think sex is really my thing. I don’t know how to say no and I’ve been pretending to not feel good to get out of it.” Billy had said it, it was out there. He felt awful and the sad look on Steve’s face did not make him feel any better. 

Steve reached out, cupped one side of Billy’s face and rubbed his thumb softly on his cheek. “Oh, Billy. I’m so sorry.” He said with a soft voice. He let his hand drop. “I’m so, so, sorry.”

Billy was confused. “What do you have to be sorry about? I’m the one that’s broken.”

“I’m sorry for making you feel like you couldn’t say no. Was it really that awful all the time? I- I should have noticed,” Steve let out a frustrated groan, he curled up into his knees and let his head drop to his hands. “I consistently win the award for worst boyfriend in the world.” 

It was Billy’s turn to do the consoling. He scooted close to Steve and rubbed his arms. “Hey, look. It wasn’t bad, per se, sometimes it was really good even!” Steve looked up at Billy making eye contact. “I just think I have really complicated feelings about sex. I like it with you, but I never feel,” Billy paused trying to think of the right words. “Turned on, I guess? Like usually once we’re like _doing it_ I enjoy it, it just takes some time. I promise I’ve never felt like you were forcing me to do anything I didn’t want to do.” 

Steve shook his head. “I don’t know Billy, sounds like you were just having sex for my sake when you didn’t actually want to have sex.” 

“Well, when you put it that way it does sound kind of bad. But _you_ ,” Billy pointed at Steve, “never made _me_ ,” then Billy pointed back at himself all for emphasis, “feel bad. I just never feel that drive that everyone is talking about, and sometimes sex can be a lot of work, like mentally. Honestly, I’ve been thinking and I feel like I would be fine if I didn’t have sex ever again in my life. But on the other hand, I do like making you feel good and I like being close to you and I still think I would want to masturbate. It’s just sex with another person? Its just kinda, just fine.” 

Steve nodded. “I guess I kind of get the whole masturbating thing. Like sometimes you just wanna bust one out without having to worry about anyone else.”

“Yeah like that but there’s more to it. Like every time you’ve made me come its been great, but like I can’t help thinking ‘this is it?’ No offense to you, but I just don’t know what everyone’s on about with this whole sex thing.”

“So it isn’t that you’re not attracted to me?”

“No, I don’t think that’s it at all. I just seriously have never had the urge. Like I think you’re hot. When I see you or other hot guys I just never think ‘man I really want his cock in my ass’.” 

“So, what, uh, what should we do? Because I’m kind of in love with you so I think we can work through this.” Billy smiled, he had no idea how he got so lucky. He felt like Steve was a gift from the universe after having to live through hell for most of his life.

“I kind of love you too. I can’t believe you think you’re the worst boyfriend. I think any other person would’ve called me a freak or tell me I’m crazy.” 

“Well I already know you’re crazy so,” Steve joked, attempting to lighten the mood a bit. “Look, I love you. Sex is complicated, hell I like girls and guys, I know that isn’t exactly the norm. I’m sure there are plenty of people that feel like you, but no one talks about it so no one knows. I don’t want you to ever feel forced to have sex with me, or anyone for that matter.” 

“Okay. I’m not saying sex is off the table completely. I do feel a lot better knowing that you know how I feel. I uh, I love you too.” 

“I’m glad. Please, don’t ever keep something like this from me again.” Steve got stern but softly poked Billy in the chest. “I mean it.” 

“Fine. Promise I won’t.” 

“Okay. So, how about every time I ask if you want to have sex, you give me an honest answer? I promise you’ll never offend me.” 

“Okay.” 

“Is there anything else you need to mention? Any other ground rules we wanna make clear? What about kissing and stuff?” Steve and Billy had both relaxed at this point, laying against the pillows casually. 

“Kissing, hugging, cuddling, are all fair game, you don’t have to worry about that. Making out is good too, but sometimes I just want that to be it.” 

“Okay fair enough, nothing wrong with a good make out sesh.” 

“And sometimes I think I would be fine doing things to you without you doing anything in return.” 

“Well, I can’t find anything to complain about there. Anything else?”

“I think that’s it.” 

“Okay, well you can always let me know if anything changes or something else comes up. And you know I’m going to ask you like a billion times that you’re cool with anything we do now.” 

“I promise I wont lie anymore.” 

Steve smiled and gave Billy what felt like sweetest kiss in the world, he could feel Steve’s smile though the kissing. When they broke apart Steve was still grinning, Billy wasn’t hiding his own smile either.

“Wanna get high? I think we deserve it.” Steve asked, all previous tension was gone at this point.

“The answer is always going to be a yes to that one.”

“Thought so.” Steve grabbed Billy’s hand and pulled them both off the bed to stand. “C’mon, hot stuff.” He said as they walked to leave Steve’s bedroom, but before opening the door Steve leaned against it. He pulled Billy close and wrapped him in a hug, with his mouth next to his ear he whispered, “I love you, you’re beautiful, and you’re perfect.” And Billy wouldn’t admit it but that made him tear up, because he finally felt okay. That none of that messy stuff like sex mattered, because he had Steve and Steve loved him for who he was.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed!  
> im on tumblr @psychicwarfarebaby  
> and twitter @psykicbabe


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